Manga Shoggoth's Far Away Tie-Ins #3: Why Is Manga Shoggoth Writing This In Script Format?

Originally posted on Tales of the Parodyverse.

Characters in this story are owned either by myself, or other posters on the Board.

[The Scene: A Battle Tank slowly picks its way through the ruined city, on its mission to round up survivors and them over to Lord Torkamahda or Splendiferous Stuart for processing, not taking into account the sex or appearance of the captives in any way at all. The three soldiers inside the tank are not at all nervous about travelling through this terrain as they have been assured that the rumours of invincible battle tanks being attacked and destroyed are completely false; there have been no cases of tanks having their turrets ripped off, leaving the shattered remains covered in slime and General Steppenstoat had been wearing that uniform for a week before he changed it. And there are no sightings of white-robed, dark-skinned female mystics trying to draw a damn great chalk circle around the place on pain of death]

Tank Commander: Can you see any humans here? Except for the one over there in the white robe that we can't see, of course.

Trooper #1: No sir. No signs of life at all, except for that rather scruffy canine digging for scraps.

Trooper #2: Why is Manga Shoggoth writing this in script format when he is on record as saying that he hates it. Unless it is Dancer or DBS, of course.

Tank Commander: Concentrate on the plot, Trooper #2. It's time for the second confusing hint to appear.

(The tank lurches slightly to one side)

Tank Commander: (Suddenly nervous) What was that, Trooper #1?

Trooper #1: (looking carefully through the scanners) We have just run over a very small statue of an animal, Sir.

Trooper #2: And we should notice this small statue more than the larger chunks of rubble liberally strewn across the road for what reason?

(The tank lurches slightly to the other side)

Tank Commander: (Even more nervous) Trooper #1?

Trooper #1: We appear to have run over on of the stray felines in the area.

Trooper #2: ...And why don't we appear to have names? At least Dancer took the trouble to come up with Yassk, Skrrl and Grottu, and they only lasted for 11 paragraphs. I would feel happier with a name, even if it did sound like a UNIX command.

Tank Commander: What was that moving to the right?

Trooper #1: The scanner notes it as a long-eared herbivore. Harmless, even if it is purple.

Trooper #2: ...And what about the font colour? Is this a Dancer parody, or is he making sly comments about the courage of the mighty Gelbah’Trakh Faction?

(A black avian creature lands on the main gun)

Tank Commander: (Wound up tighter than a Conservative listening to Tony Blair) What is that black avian creature perched on our main gun?

Trooper #1: It appears to be a Blackbird (Family: Turdidae, Genus: Turdus, Collective Noun: Flock). And it's looking at us funny.

Trooper #2: I mean, he can't even mimic Dancer's style and slightly twisted sense of humour, hasn't mentioned sex once and hasn't referred to men as slime.

Black Avian Creature: *ahem*. Actually, I'm a Raven (Family: Corvidae, Genus: Corvus, Collective Nouns: Conspiracy or Unkindness). "Flock" is a general collective noun for birds.

Trooper #1: Sorry, no offence meant.

Raven: None taken.

Tank Commander: (Now screaming in panic) ...And he lives on the same continent as Dancer. He's asking for a Plie-Arabesque-Pirhouette Combination in the merkin here.

Trooper #2: Wasn't that my line?

Raven: And you have fallen into our trap: Get them!

Tank Commander: And a little birdie like you is going to do what to out Invincible Battle Tank?

Trooper #2: And now we have an unexplained mood swing. By the way that is a really stupid thing to say, especially when you are in a story published on a Comic Book Parody website.

(The tank shakes as it is assaulted from behind by a set of indestructible claws)

Scruffy Canine: Woof

Stray Feline: Meow

Harmless Purple Long-Eared Herbivore: Squeak

Very Small Statue of an Animal: .........

Footnotes:

I really don't think Dancer is going to be able to use this one. Blame it on a really slow week at work, OK?

The Society of Super Pets made its debut appearance in Dancer #3: The Legion of Super-Pets.